The Chrysalis

Performance joy.

I had a schedule and I knew where I’d be staying, who I’d be playing with, who I’d be touring with for parts of it, but I had no way to plan for how I’d feel, who I’d meet, or what I’d learn. All things being equal, the thought of leaving my routines, my home base, practically everything I knew about myself and my life behind would be paralyzing. But it wasn’t. I was ready to go and find out who I could be.

I remember having had limited experience holding down my own solo night, 2 sets, 2 hours on stage on my own. I remember thinking, does anyone really want to listen to me that long? Will my set lists make any sense if I mix and match songs from my very different albums? How much do I talk in between singing? What if this collapses in my hands?

I wasn’t worried about flat tires or car repairs or illness or road closures. I was focused on the ins and outs of artistry and expression. Of answering the question, can I make this work?

I was and still am fortunate to have a huge network of support across multiple countries. It’s not that I can fill a stadium with fans right now, but wherever I travel it’s likely I have a friend to stay with, and often enough play on stage with. In 2017 when I set out on the Goddess Revolution Tour, this was enough to convince me to try.

Yesterday, Facebook showed me my memories from 4 years ago and they included a link back to a livestream of the house concert I played in Chicago. My friends, Random Fractions, played on a few songs with me. I lay in bed and watched an hour of me trusting myself to be myself, as I was figuring out how to share that person on stage, and it inspired the hell out of me.

I haven’t performed live or on a livestream for a year and a half now, but this is a reminder to you and to me what it feels like to be back in that space. By the time I get back there, I’ll be healthy and ready with a new album in my hands. Europe, the US, Canada, I’m coming.

Here’s my second set from the night of June 10 2017, Chicago IL. My friend Xap held the tablet the whole night so we could livestream to FB. Only yesterday I discovered I could embed the video here so folks not on FB could see it so here it is. Got an hour to spend listening? This is for you.


Set list

Sisters & Sinners (story 0:00 – song 1:42)

Honey (story 5:08 – song 5:32)

Drink Up (story 8:55 – song 10:10)

Cracked w/ Random Fractions (story 14:45 – song 15:39)

Sisters of Duras w/ Random Fractions (story 19:30 – song 20:09)

The Rift (story 24:11 – song 27:27)

Feel It All (story 32:07 – song 34:10)

Drawn The Way (story 39:07 – song 39:33)

Theme song from Enterprise (story 44:17 – song 45:35)

Oars in the Water (story 51:15 – song 51:34)

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Investing in myself and my journey.

Learning how to make music my career.

Exploring my creativity.

Rediscovering my essence, my purpose, and my voice.

blog photo

Every time I start a new blog I word it the way I think I should. But this time I’m going to write in my own voice.

I’m autistic. I’m queer. I’m spiritual. And I create.

Every day is a learning experience, figuring out who I am now. I’m just going to write what comes and make this place mine.

If you’re reading, welcome to my first public attempt to be unfiltered and unplanned in my writing. Anything might come up here. Occasionally I might share scars, but no scabs. I’ll keep it mostly short. I’m a person of constant process and this will give you glimpses of it.

Yup, totally scared. Because I filter everything all the time with everyone to some degree to hide who I am. Here, I’m devoted to authenticity. Just me, no platforms, no guidelines, nothing to prove. For the sake of my mental health, I’m going to be more transparent about my existence.

Being autistic means growing up a chameleon. Masking = survival. Peeling back those layers is going to challenge me, but it’s going to encourage me to be a healthier person. And if you’re reading this, you’re a part of my journey.

So welcome to my new, transparent, authentic, strange little blog.

I’m committed to the ongoing process of spiritual alchemy.

I feel safe in caves and blanket forts, do you?

Darkness is comfy and uncomfortable, too. I like it. So I’m calling this blog The Chrysalis, where transformation happens in real-time. This is my safe space and I’m going to nurture it.

Visit as often as you like. There are lots of blankets.

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